Workin'

  I had a "This is REAL!" moment a couple days ago.  I was watching a video of a steampunk octopus tank at Burning Man, clunk and clank and spew fire with the chatter of happy and amazed voices.  It felt like my heart was sucked to the moment and it sank in that I would finally be able to DO that.  Be there in the hot and the playa and the craziness.  Mind blowing!
Which of course got me thinking, as I am wont to do.  It would be really hard to make my life be anymore fantastic and slightly surreal than it is.  I have an amazing family, both blood and friends, I seem to have grown into an ability to select good people that support and love me without dragging me down, I love and am loved and in this next year I will be satisfying many of my dreams and working towards my goals.

 I have always wanted to be a pin-up girl.  Since I was 5 or 6. Since I saw that first Playboy.  Which is odd, since I have always wanted to be Lee Majors, too.  That's a hilarious yet terrifying mental image if you combine those two things. BWAHAHAHAHA! 
So, I have signed a contract for the next couple of years to work on this project.  This is just stupendous to me!!  It gives me motivation to wash my face and brush my teeth and make sure I work towards my bicycling goals.  It's like it just opened up this whole door to a side of myself that I always sensed was there but could never reach.  Where those habits that I have always struggled with that others don't (face washing, I am looking at you!) come easy with only a thought or two.  No more internal skirmishes, just a "well, I have to" and then I do. *blink*
This allows me a joy that is really hard to describe to those who don't have that sort of difficulty.  It's like trying to get someone who's never had a migraine to truly understand what that's like.  But I think most people have something like that that they strive against.

The biking and the strength training are coming from a different place than they have in the past decade.  For the first time, I don't want to be smaller in size as much as tighter in tone and able to simply transport myself from one spot to another.  I am rockin' the curves, I just want a little less jelly jiggle.  The bicycle is a more daunting propect than anything else because I am making this a lifestyle change, at least for the next year.
But guess what I did today? 
I figured out how to attache my pannier (Ortlieb bags have THE most awesome attaching features) today and rode to my mom's shop and back again.  I am becoming more comfortable on my bike and riding on the roads.  Traffic makes me nervous, but that is only because of a few near misses when I was younger and bike commuting.  Mind you, we didn't call it bike commuting then.  I didn't have a car, so bike and bus were the only options, until my bike got stolen the second time. I will never again store my bike outside of a home/building for longer than it takes to do some light shopping.  People are jerks and my bike is gorgeous. ;)
But I digress!  Where I was going with that is that I am actually having an easier time to doing other fitness type things than making myself go for a ride for fun.  It's not that I don't enjoy it, it's that I am not quite in good enough shape to really enjoy it.  Baby steps.  Despite my wish for instant gratification, you have to do the work to get the reward.  Where are you magic pill? hehehe

Onto Burning Man!  My compound crew is home again, safe and reasonably sound.  I am so super excited to hear about the stories and see the pictures!  I have also been doing so preliminary research/window shopping for certain items I will need/want for next year.  Playa Lungs are about the neatest thing ever.  They look like ninja masks and have different filters that you can use while on the playa (for example) and a different one for biking in high traffic areas. WOOT!  No unitaskers!  They are way more my speed than the big old gas masks or bandannas.  Besides, I have asthma so it's very important to me to prevent attacks, rather than deal with them afterward. So that is on the definite purchase list!  And I have been hunting down a nice pair of goggles.  I think I like the aviator style goggles better than the welders or ski types.  Seems like a good blend of aesthetics, visibility and comfort.  Now the search for a loincloth pattern and a good hat!

I would like to say, though, that I am still feelin' all loved and exultant in the wonder and joy that is my life.