Adversity

I have a plan!  It is a simple plan...which is good since I have the attention span of a gnat recently.
Tomorrow I have an unexpectedly free day, so I am going to clean the house first then fix up my bike to the best of my ability.  I believe I can fix the front brake.  For goodness sake, I messed with that darn thing enough before I ever rode it.  I am a little nervous about the chain issue, though.  But part of the plan is to fix what I can first and then determine what's up with the chain and  then do some research if I need to.
And if I am really good, maybe I will go visit my new friend that evening.

But today I wanted to bike.  Heck, everyday since the accident I have wanted to get back on it and ride.  I have this need to burn off pent up energy that doesn't have a good outlet right now.  Today I managed to go dance til I was out of breath and sweaty and it'll just have to do until I can work through the bike repairs.
I want to put on my dumb hat and ride!

Broken

So I ate it on my bike last Friday.  I didn't do any real damage to me and I thought that at first I only did a couple of things to my bike, but it turns out I managed to ruin the breaks on the front and the chain isn't turning properly, though I suspect that will be easier to fix. *crosses toes*

So that has been very frustrating for me.  It's making it hard for me to follow my plan and I am not in the right headspace to fight with it.  And I don't have a bike mechanic yet. LOL  My husband is not it.

TOM seems to have thrown my last week off, physically and emotionally.  Woo!  Thanks, body! LOLOLOL Oh, well. I have to learn how to work around it and the only way is through adversity.

Full

   Life has been very full recently.  I have been busy since July.  Which is wonderful!  It has just been conspiring against me and my bicycle this week.  I have had to be up and out of the house at the time I would normally be going for a ride, to places that are too far away for my current fitness level to ride to.  *grumble*
But despite that, I have been able to complete my strength training this week where last week that fell by the wayside in favor of the bike.  So I guess my body is getting everything it needs via alternating weeks. Whatever works, right? =)

Workin'

  I had a "This is REAL!" moment a couple days ago.  I was watching a video of a steampunk octopus tank at Burning Man, clunk and clank and spew fire with the chatter of happy and amazed voices.  It felt like my heart was sucked to the moment and it sank in that I would finally be able to DO that.  Be there in the hot and the playa and the craziness.  Mind blowing!
Which of course got me thinking, as I am wont to do.  It would be really hard to make my life be anymore fantastic and slightly surreal than it is.  I have an amazing family, both blood and friends, I seem to have grown into an ability to select good people that support and love me without dragging me down, I love and am loved and in this next year I will be satisfying many of my dreams and working towards my goals.

 I have always wanted to be a pin-up girl.  Since I was 5 or 6. Since I saw that first Playboy.  Which is odd, since I have always wanted to be Lee Majors, too.  That's a hilarious yet terrifying mental image if you combine those two things. BWAHAHAHAHA! 
So, I have signed a contract for the next couple of years to work on this project.  This is just stupendous to me!!  It gives me motivation to wash my face and brush my teeth and make sure I work towards my bicycling goals.  It's like it just opened up this whole door to a side of myself that I always sensed was there but could never reach.  Where those habits that I have always struggled with that others don't (face washing, I am looking at you!) come easy with only a thought or two.  No more internal skirmishes, just a "well, I have to" and then I do. *blink*
This allows me a joy that is really hard to describe to those who don't have that sort of difficulty.  It's like trying to get someone who's never had a migraine to truly understand what that's like.  But I think most people have something like that that they strive against.

The biking and the strength training are coming from a different place than they have in the past decade.  For the first time, I don't want to be smaller in size as much as tighter in tone and able to simply transport myself from one spot to another.  I am rockin' the curves, I just want a little less jelly jiggle.  The bicycle is a more daunting propect than anything else because I am making this a lifestyle change, at least for the next year.
But guess what I did today? 
I figured out how to attache my pannier (Ortlieb bags have THE most awesome attaching features) today and rode to my mom's shop and back again.  I am becoming more comfortable on my bike and riding on the roads.  Traffic makes me nervous, but that is only because of a few near misses when I was younger and bike commuting.  Mind you, we didn't call it bike commuting then.  I didn't have a car, so bike and bus were the only options, until my bike got stolen the second time. I will never again store my bike outside of a home/building for longer than it takes to do some light shopping.  People are jerks and my bike is gorgeous. ;)
But I digress!  Where I was going with that is that I am actually having an easier time to doing other fitness type things than making myself go for a ride for fun.  It's not that I don't enjoy it, it's that I am not quite in good enough shape to really enjoy it.  Baby steps.  Despite my wish for instant gratification, you have to do the work to get the reward.  Where are you magic pill? hehehe

Onto Burning Man!  My compound crew is home again, safe and reasonably sound.  I am so super excited to hear about the stories and see the pictures!  I have also been doing so preliminary research/window shopping for certain items I will need/want for next year.  Playa Lungs are about the neatest thing ever.  They look like ninja masks and have different filters that you can use while on the playa (for example) and a different one for biking in high traffic areas. WOOT!  No unitaskers!  They are way more my speed than the big old gas masks or bandannas.  Besides, I have asthma so it's very important to me to prevent attacks, rather than deal with them afterward. So that is on the definite purchase list!  And I have been hunting down a nice pair of goggles.  I think I like the aviator style goggles better than the welders or ski types.  Seems like a good blend of aesthetics, visibility and comfort.  Now the search for a loincloth pattern and a good hat!

I would like to say, though, that I am still feelin' all loved and exultant in the wonder and joy that is my life.

Love

   Absence diminishes mediocre passions and increases great ones, as the wind extinguishes candles and fans fires.
Francois de La Rochefoucauld


I found that quote today while looking for a good quote for my business.  This sings in my heart.  This sums up so many things in my life.   This is why I can feel the same about somebody I have not seen in years,  Why the lack of words and contact mean nothing.  When love is needed it is there. 
There are many different kinds of love and different kinds lovers. (In the givers of love, not the "doin it" sense)
And that brings me true joy.
And it inspires perseverance.

Hmm...I seem to be feeling lovey and wanting to use other's words to convey it.  So here are a selection of other love quotes that sung tpo me today.

A man reserves his true and deepest love not for the species of woman in whose company he finds himself electrified and enkindled, but for that one in whose company he may feel tenderly drowsy.
George Jean Nathan

Affection is responsible for nine-tenths of whatever solid and durable happiness there is in our lives.
C. S. Lewis

All my life, my heart has yearned for a thing I cannot name.
Andre Breton

Can miles truly separate you from friends... If you want to be with someone you love, aren't you already there?
Richard Bach

For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.
Judy Garland

If you press me to say why I loved him, I can say no more than because he was he, and I was I.
Michel de Montaigne

Love consists in this, that two solitudes protect and touch and greet each other.
Rainer Maria Rilke

Love is always bestowed as a gift - freely, willingly and without expectation. We don't love to be loved; we love to love.
Leo Buscaglia

Nobody has ever measured, not even poets, how much the heart can hold.
Zelda Fitzgerald

Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings infinite distances continue, a wonderful living side by side can grow, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it possible for each to see the other whole against the sky.
Rainer Maria Rilke

Sometimes it's a form of love just to talk to somebody that you have nothing in common with and still be fascinated by their presence.
David Byrne

The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved; loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves.
Victor Hugo

I think that pretty much says what I needed to say. =) 

Panniers

   I have been riding my bike everyday this week, except today since my schedule just wasn't having any of it.  My new Ortleib panniers arrived today.  They are really neat! I have to figure out how to do the bottom clip, but otherwise they are very easy to use and I picked them in "Holy Honey Bee, BATMAN!" yellow, so they greatly increase my visibility on my cream bicycle.  And they are considerably larger than I had really envisioned, which is wonderful.  I can most definitely do my weekly groceries in those, no problem.  My work stuff will fit nicely into them as well.  I was pleased to discover not 1 but 2! interior pockets.  This was kind of a big deal for me, given the types of tools that I need to transport.  Also, fishing around for your keys is just no fun.

I started my strength training yesterday.  I can feel it, mostly in the triceps and shoulders but a light soreness throughtout the body today, letting me know I worked.  Makes me miss my massuesse.  I am glad that my schedule was not being conducive to the bike today, since my body will be happier to have a whole day to fully rest.  But tomorrow there is bike AND strength training.

In my preparation for the burn several things have come up and been dealt with this past week.  First, my friend I haven't seen in years will not be attending (probably ever again, which makes me sad but I totally understand why).  Mild lameness, but a good excuse to suck it up and get a webcam so we can Skype.  Which would actually be useful for several of my friends that are no longer local, especially given my lack of texting and aversion to phones.  Second, was a bit more important and, oddly, less of a bummer.  It was the trust issue, since I will not be taking my hunny with me.  I understand the concern and we have it addressed as well as it can be.  The only way to earn more trust is to push the boundaries and I appreciate the opportunity to prove myself. 

I am meeting a new friend for hiking this week.  It's amazing what you find when you are looking for something else.  I hope our tea date goes well and that we hit it off.  I could use someone to push me.  A person to chase and try to keep up with.  She has a lovely mind, too, so I look forward to some good conversation.

Early

  My hunny woke up about 6 ish this morning.  In my efforts to cajole him back to sleep, I woke myself up and then we were both awake and cranky about it. So as he took a shower I decided to bike off my cranky.  I tossed on my clothes and was out of the house by 645 and was back and cooling down and stretching by 7.  Just a quick jaunt around a couple of blocks.

Let me tell you alll about it!  I strapped on my helmet.  Oh, my hideous 80's tastic helmet.  It's brand new but it looks like something super awesome from '89.  It's reasonably comfortable and I had a coupon, so it'll do until I get a chance to get something sassier. I took my bike out into the cool, blue morning.  The air smells ever so slightly of fall, dry grass and clean, no taint of exhaust on my quiet street.  I had to adjust my seat up a tad so I could pedal comfortably, which means now I can just barely tippytoe when I stand up.  It's how my last Schwinn fit, too.  From the top of the driveway, I grinned as a swooped down to the road and leaned down over the handlebars and pedaled for all I was worth.  After I rounded the first corner, I leaned back and enjoyed the moment.  Breathing in, feeling the sun and the wind skim against my skin and brush my cheeks.  I needed to adjust my gear so I tried out my grip shifter. One click and magically it was just right.  The feel of the handgrips, squishy and leather.  The seat that supported my weight and didn't hurt.
Then I started breathing hard as I rounded the next corner.  You have to go up hill, no matter which direction you leave my house.  The smile was gone and concentration replaced it.  If I had had my bags, I would have just headed out for a picnic at the park or some such.

It was wonderful, though brief. I also got my strength training schedule posted in my room, and I have all of my work out tools in there as well.  Just need to print out the workouts for reference, since I can't watch videos there. I also discovered that the shoes I chose get caught on the chain protector thing juuuust a tad, so not wearing those again.

And I had additional motivation for this year!  I am now one of the Rock n' Rogue Pinup girls. Toned bodies look better in pictures with less effort.  I love when the universe brings everything together.  Now I just have to make it work by maintaining and consistency. 

Starting

  It is Friday August 26th.  This is the day that I am officially starting my journey.  I haven't gotten a chance to actually get on my bike and get a picture of it yet, as I don't yet have a clone and my hunny got his Macbook pro for school today.  (So proud of him! *makes sickeningly adorable pruffle noises in his  direction*)

You'll just have to make do with pictures of the buildening.

 Look! A bike box!

 What's inside??

 Oh SHINY!

 Boy that's alot of pieces...

 I am in love with my fenders and rack.  Very practical and aesthetically pleasing.

 And that's what it is.

 I am hoping to have some pictures of the bike, me on said bike and maybe it's new bags soon. I am off to go try it out right now.

Bags

   I order my panniers for the bike today. SQUEEE!  I am not a bag person usually, but these line up nicely with my camping gear fetish.  Other girls get excited about purses and shoes and nails.  I get excited by camping gear and coats and bare feet.  Not to say I don't enjoy the girly trappings from time to time, but I enjoy them only because they are from time to time.

My friends are getting ready for the burn this week. Not a shock. HA! But it's fun because I get to participate in their getting ready now, what with the waxing and all.  It was really nice getting to have a good chat about what I will really need with the girls, too.  There are certain things that boys just don't get cause their bodies and brains are wired differently.  Actually, our group of girls are all the "girl with all guy friend" types, so I think we're all wired a little differently, too. Hehehe.  Amusingly enough, we were talking about shoes and moisturizer...but in the context of Burning Man that is more survival talk than anything else.

Also, this afternoon, when it gets to hot to be out in the garage I am going to learn how to change my tube.  Wooo!  I get so frustrated when I am learning a new thing that doesn't come easy.  I rode bikes constantly as a kid and I NEVER had to change my tire? I think I must have been freakishly magic.  Even when I was commuting to work and I had my bike stolen, twice, I never had to do a brake adjustment, patch a tire or anything.  Because it never broke or I have totally blocked someone else doing it. WEIRD!  But I am glad to fight with it now so I can learn how to care for my bike, so we can have a long and glorious life together.

So tomorrow is the BIG DAY!  The grand unveiling...sort of..  Now I am off to set up my strength training.  All that cardio with out some strength training doesn't help as much as I would like.

Accomplishment

And the bike is done! Except that it came with a HUGE hole in the front intertube, so I need to go buy three, instead of just the two back ups I was originally planning on.  Welcome to the exciting world of bikes!
My hunny helped me get the brakes right and we finally got the interaction right.  He is not the best teacher for me on a lot of things.  We make a good team otherwise.  I am THRILLED to have it all good to go except for the tire!
Slowly but surely, one step at a time, I am readying myself for my journey.  I am excited to finally get on the road and a little frightened of the traffic some of the places I want to go eventually.  So in the spirit of the journey, I am going to check things off my getting ready list.

Got my tattoo finished (this was last year but one of the things I felt needed to be done before the burn)
Got a tent (for free, even!)
Purchased bike and basic safety gear
Built said bike and will be learning first hand how to change a tube before my first ride

Still need to purchase panniers for the bike, need to make a personal list of needs for the burn and outline my strength training regiment.  I am right on schedule at this point. Woot!

Daunted

    I am sitting here, feeling a little overwhlemed and daunted.  I still haven't gotten my bike finished.  I wanted to be riding by now, and if I pushed myself a little harder I could have been.  However, my life has been busy and my schedule has been changing alot which makes it hard to schedule the time needed to finish it up.

And then I realized.....I started this blog EARLIER than my goal start date.  My goal was to have my bike finished and to be taking my first ride on it on August 26th, the day before the burn starts.  That will give me 1 year to do what I have set out to do.  To become a cyclist again (ok, not THAT fancy) and to get ready for Burning Man 2012.  It was like a weight lifted and my excitement came back.  I can definitely get the bike finished by the end of the week and, if I work at it, I can also get my picture blog up, too.

In other news, I just found out that Shpongle will be at Burning Man next year. SQUEEEEE!  I was lucky enough to get to go to the Shpongletron Experience this past year.  AMAZING!  Yet another thing to be excited about!

In other, other news I have just acquired a new hobby/job.  That is currently all I can tell you.  I should be able to give more details in about 6-8 weeks.  All I can really say, is that I will have to buy shoes. *waggles eyebrows*  How's that for cryptic!  It's not technically on topic, but I am so excited I am just bursting with it!

Steps

We went and picked up my helmet, bike lock cable thingy and a Schwinn bike tool set that I can tote around with me in case of emergency.
I will be honest, i am frustrated with my bike and my living situation right at the moment.  Every time I go in to work on the brakes, I have to stop or I can't start because there is too much going on in the main room. 
But something that I have learned about myself is that I have to go through the angry, frustrated, bashing my head against it phase to get to the capable phase.  I think most kids get that earlier in their life than I did. I tend to be quite good at what I do and I don't do things I don't like.  (excluding chores and yard work since those are necessary)  But I have discovered that sometimes it really is worth it to push through that irritation.

Steps! One at a time!

New Things

Many new things have happened since I last posted here.  I even wrote a post that was eaten by the internet ether.
First things first, the bike!  I have the handle bars on and the wheels and fender and pedals.  But the brakes are hard.  They need to be adjusted and the instructions are tragically unclear. I figure I will just continue to fight with it til I get it done.  I want to save all the details to go with the pictures when I post them.  It's been an adventure to say the least.

But many other things have been happening in my life. Some of them are a long time coming and some are  let downs while some others are startlingly surprising..  This is a year of change for certain.  But the one that most directly impacts my biking and burning is my new friend that hopefully will be my hiking buddy. I am hoping to meet her next week for tea and to see if we get along in person (I think it will be fine, but we've only been chatting for a couple weeks online) and then schedule a hike for September.  That will help round out my fitness and get me out of the house so my hunny can do his school work.

Nothing to deep or exciting today, just an update. =)

Patience

     I finally got notice that my bike has shipped. Huzzah! However, this is the kind of waiting that makes me crazy. It is one reason why I always prefer to buy things in a store.  The tactile aspect of selection and then the instant gratification.  The quick and wonderous claiming of "MINE!" on your heart's desire of the moment.  It's why retail therapy is a thing. =)

But I do find a perverse delight in the anticipation.  I love to rip into a package, and argue  and curse and fume at the packaging.  I have never gotten a bike in a box before.  I actually don't know what state of completeness it will arrive in.  I am pleasantly surprised to find myself not just indifferent to to possibility of having to completely build it, but actually excited at the prospect.  I like building things, though I have never built a mechanical thing I understand how they work better than electronics.  The thought of starting at the very beginning....it's like getting a puppy.  A commitment, a learning process, messy.  It seems so...appropriate to what I am doing. 

The next step is to further cut back my car usage and start on daily, short errand runs and close clients with the bike.  Of course, the universe has gifted me with great prosperity this month, which is great because then I can get the rest of my gear sooner AND still be able to have a life and food and stuff.  It is also...inconvenient.  Because of the weather and the type of car issues we have, I HAVE to separate out some of the appointments, my client's schedules also play a significant role.  I guess it just means I will have more opportunity to get of my butt and ride.

So tomorrow, if I am supremely lucky (which I am from time to time) or Monday, I fight with a large box until it opens and gives me my precious!  Pictures, I promise.

Sweet Meloncholy

    My heart aches. I haven't felt this particular sensation in a long time. Waves of melancholy and like every single molecule of my skin is on alert and so many deep sighs.  I am missing someone. Many people, actually, which might be why it's so bad.
     My muse has moved across the country and the connection we share is stretched taut and I am acutely aware of which direction is east.  We are not lovers. We are friends....but more?  Our energies resonate, if you will.  I don't really know how to describe it adequately.  He moved away years ago, and while I missed his presence, it was not a big deal.  I don't mind people leaving as long as I can still keep track of them, if that makes sense.  I long ago gave up on the longing for company that cannot be there and have been happy for it.  But it does make one feel.....more alive.  And I have always been a fan of a good melancholy.

   His change in distance has made me acutely aware of the people that I want to see right now and can't, for whatever reasons.  And it makes me even more excited for next year's burning Man.  Because he will be there.  As will many others that I haven't seen in far too long.  It is a gathering of friends, a resolution to the longing.  As if I needed another reason, I have several now.  The universe knows whats up. =)

So here is to change and distance and the anticipation of meeting with good friends again!

The Beginning

All stories must start somewhere.  This one starts here.



And then I am not sure where to start the explanation. Figures. Let's backtrack a bit shall we?
I decided that I wanted to go to the burn in 2008.  I really wanted to go in 2009, but life conspired as it is wont to do and I had to postpone. Last year, I decided I was going to go in 2012. One way or the other, I was going to prove to myself I could go through a week on the playa and revel in being responsible only for myself. It would and will be a deeply life affecting experience for me.  I am going to an alkali lake bed in August with 30,000+ people.  This is outside of my typical comfort zone by about as much as it can be. Crowds, heat, arid, sunburns.  But it's filled with amazing things and wonderful people and there are no bugs.  I am going in a little over a year from now. I have many, many friends at different camps that already go and I am looking forward to seeing some people that have moved away.  I am excited and terrified. And it's still a year a way.

Now, to stray a bit from that topic to this, which I promise circles about again and meets up.
The car that I have access to (as it is not my car, but my husband's) has proven itself to be expensive and not terribly reliable.  Given my work (mobile hairstylist) and my need for exercise and my dislike for paying for gas, it has become time to let go of the car and ride a bike and use our, I am sad to say, pitiful public trans system.  So I have ordered my bike and it should be here sometime next week.  I'll have to wait until the 20th to go get my helmet and lock and such.  It seems to me that starting this now, that it must be part of my preparations for my trip.  I do something I am not 100% sure i can do, to prove to myself that I am capable, and the added benefit of getting in shape so I don't mind running around in not much at all.

So here I am, to journal and document this journey from here to there.  From frequently desk bound, 30 lbs overweight, wanting to do more, to actually living the way I believe I should, becoming healthier, challenging myself.
For a year and a bit, from now until I leave for Burning man next August, I will share my trials and tribulations and accomplishments here.


I hope this story is entertaining and finishes well.